Are we setting our kids to be people-dependent? #MacKade #Blog #Kids #GuestPost #HazardousToYourSanity #Parenting #Family

Posted by Viviana MacKade on January 18, 2023 in MacKade,

I met a nice lady at the playground the other day. 

She was there with her granddaughter, a little girl exactly my daughter's age. 

We started to chat, and she told me about her huge - huge - family. I'm talking about, like, 6 siblings and her husband came from a family equally big. And to be no lesser than anyone, together they had 4 or 5 kids, now grown, who had kids. All living scattered on the Treasure Coast, an area roughly 80 miles big.

So, we're talking of a family with numbers in the 50. 

(Being family-intolerant, it took me a second or two to process what being in such a village-size family would be. I did not like it.)

You might be wondering why I spent so much time talking about the nice lady's family status quo. 

It's because of what she told me next.

She asked for my phone number (!) so we could get in touch and let the other one know when the girls can be together at the playground and play. Because her granddaughter is not in daycare, she was afraid the girl didn't have enough company.

Now.

Please, go back to the beginning and do some math about how many cousins that girl has. 

I really don't think she needed any company. If anything, she might need some time alone.

I would need it so bad.

And this is only the tip of the iceberg.

It's actually one conversational hit: "does your girl/boy go to childcare? Because, you know, they need to socialize at this age."

(No, she's not going yet. We tried a very light couple of hours, twice a week, it didn't work and not necessarily because of my kid, and now she'll go back in August when she turns 3).

Yes, they need to socialize. 

And yes, how much changes from child to child. 

And oh, yes, I would have loved it if she had stayed there. Four hours a week to work with no distractions. The possibilities.

But. 

It borders on obsession. 

Child care, playgroups, group activities like gym and music. 

I mean, it's all good, but... chill. 

From this website: https://www.cgbabyclub.co.uk/toddler/years/2-3-years/your-toddlers-brain-development-2-3-years.html

"Another big development during this time is their happiness to play on their own, with their imagination helping to create a make-believe world. Although, they’ll still love it when you play along and join their pretend games of horses, castles, capes, and anything else they can think of."

I don't really think they even know how to play with other kids until they are over 3.

Neither of my kids did/do. Both were interested in other little humans, curious, but neither started to actively play with anyone. They minded their business together.

And I'm not here to say they have to stay home with mom and dad until they're ready for college, or anything so.... preachy. 

If you can keep them home, keep them until you think they are ready. 

If you can't keep them home, they'll absolutely adapt. It's what kids do best.

If they want to go, let 'em go; if they want to stay, let 'em stay.

But I do wonder if we're stressing way too much over this socialization thing, to the point that a lot of kids do struggle to be alone (no. Not days on end alone, not even a day alone. I'm not talking abuse, come on, people. I'm talking about playing by themselves for however long their concentration allows.)

I do want to teach my kids how to live with other people. We are sociable animals, after all.

But I also want to teach them how to be comfortable with themselves, how to be when the only voice they hear is the one in their head, and deal with it. Because sometimes that's the hardest, most painful voice to reckon with, and running away, drowing it into noise and crowds is not ideal.

I want them to learn to see solitude not as loneliness, but as an opportunity to nurture their essence.

How to know and love themselves away from a pack.