Talking About Mental Health Issues "For Attention?" #MentalHealth #HazardousToYourSanity
When I first started blogging back in 2005 and had to fight off the pterodactyls trying to eat my computer, I had this crazy idea that by sharing my mental health struggles I would "find my tribe." While I discovered a few people also discussing what they were going through, I found a lot more abuse than support. People accused me of "seeking attention" by discussing my experiences.
These accusations echoed what I endured during my teen years. When my parents discovered I had been self-harming, my mother admonished me to stop "looking for attention." My father told me I would never be able to find a job if anyone knew I'd been in treatment for mental health problems. I was placed on a psych ward over the weekend for superficial cuts to my arms. I was still expected to go to the school where I was being mercilessly bullied, to toughen up and "suck it up." I was emotionally abused by cruel and callous staff members during my stay in the psych ward. (To be fair, there were a few kind people there, but they were the exception rather than the rule.) Why the hell would I want that kind of attention?
When I discuss my experiences, I'm not looking for anyone to give me a cookie or head pats. I hope that maybe something will finally click with people and the mental health system will improve. (Damn, I really am stupid and/or delusional, aren't I?) In particular, I would like there to be an improved understanding of the way people behave following repeated trauma. Trauma responses can mimic organic psychiatric conditions such as bipolar disorder and schizophrenia.
I also learned through personal experience that ADHD has symptoms in common with type 2 bipolar disorder, a condition I was misdiagnosed as having. It made sense at the time, and I don't blame the clinician who made the diagnosis. However, I do think there was a bit of Zebra Syndrome going on in her case because her adopted son had type 2 bipolar disorder. In other words, she was so intent on looking for zebras that she couldn't discern that she was looking at a horse of a different color. Still, I don't blame her. Her approach was compassionate, she had a genuine desire to help, and she made the diagnosis in good faith to the best of her abilities.
I don't want any attention beyond having people give my lived experiences serious consideration. Having drugs be the first-line approach to resolving or treating psychological issues is not helpful. Try actually listening to patients. There is often trauma beneath the surface of acting out and conditions such as "borderline personality disorder." In my opinion, "borderline personality disorder" doesn't exist. A person (usually female) presenting with the symptoms of so-called "borderline personality disorder" is suffering from complex PTSD.
I actually have trouble discussing my own mental health issues and traumatic experiences. I can only do so in short bursts. This is why I have never successfully managed to write the book I'd like to write about these things. I would greatly prefer to garner attention for my fiction writing. I don't want to spend my life dwelling on experiences that screwed me up.
For instance, I'm still trying to deal with my dental anxiety. I had a filling come out that needs to be replaced. I know my anxiety isn't really about the procedure. I know other people experience dental anxiety, so I talk about it sometimes. Does anyone really think I want to? Hell, I'd rather share cookie recipes!
I hope when I share these posts it helps somebody somewhere. The truth is, I honestly have no idea if it does. However, I'm certainly not sharing this information "for attention" any more than I'd share posts about living with diabetes (which I also have) "for attention." What an absolutely bonkers idea.
